I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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