You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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