i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
