I'm jealous of your bromance
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
