Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
