I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
