I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
