Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize