i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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