I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
