I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
