So drunk its hurt
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
