I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
