So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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