he shaved USA in his pubs
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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