I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
