dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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