remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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