Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
