god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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