Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
