it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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