i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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