Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
