Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
