where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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