i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize