he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
