Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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