worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
