Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
