The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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