they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When are your genitals available?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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