there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
