He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
