Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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