..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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