There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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