I bet he comes in French.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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