How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
