If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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