guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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