She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
