my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
