If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
