dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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