Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
