Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
