one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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