Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
