i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize