Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
