Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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