burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
