He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
