sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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