I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
