Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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