Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
