You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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