Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
