TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
