We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
