i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
