i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize