apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
as a side note pls kill me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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