...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
