Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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