i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
