Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize