I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
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