I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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