I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
