I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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