He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
